Law Firm Taglines, 2009 Edition

I have written before about law firm taglines, those short, descriptive phrases that seek to communicate either what the firm does, or how it does it. Now comes Steve Matthews of Stem, a Canadian company that offers various web marketing services, with an updated list of 101 law firm taglines

My favorite: Lawyers you’ll swear by. Not at.

According To My Email

According to my email, there is a position open for me as a secret shopper. According to my email, I can get an advanced college degree without actually going to college. According to my email, someone sent me an e-card and I should open it right away.

According to my email, I can get discount ink cartridges, free flower delivery, and a loan modification. Also there is an investment opportunity in oil wells in Alberta, a chance to exchange links with lots of similarly minded website owners, and the door is open to a purchase of email lists of doctors, IT department managers, and librarians of all kinds.

According to my email, my sex life needs a lot of help. I could use "male enhancement" to "upgrade my masculinity", a supply of Viagra at 85 percent off, and romantic involvement with a number of very attractive Russian girls.

According to my email, I could lose a lot of weight by ingesting Acai berry in various forms, and would look snazzy in a brand new replica watch.

According to my email, website builders in China and India will build sites for me for next to nothing, my bank (as a security measure) is changing lots of stuff and needs me to furnish my passwords, I can buy a 1941 Chevy Flatbed replica, and someone who addresses me as "dear one" needs some help obtaining an inheritance.

According to my email.

Do It Yourself?

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On one of the listservs where I hang out, there has been an interesting discussion about the increasing commoditization of legal services, with more and more people opting to "do it yourself" with the help of document websites like 

Coincidentally, yesterday I had to visit my mechanic because the air conditioning in my car wasn’t really cooling, and I needed an extra shot of freon.

Wait, there is a connection between these two paragraphs, I swear!

In chatting with my mechanic, I asked him if the recession had helped or hurt his business. My thought was that with fewer people buying new cars, that would mean more repair and maintenance on older cars and thus more work for him. He said, yes it had, kinda….but….

"Lots of people don’t even want to pay the repair shop. They want to try to fix their cars themselves," he said. "And then it’s a real mess."

How do you handle that, I inquired. He pointed at the sign in his repair bay:

Labor: $95 per hour
If you watch: $125
If you offer advice: $150
If you already worked on it: $175

Maybe attorneys could learn something from him.