Because That’s Where The Money Is?


    We had a bank robbery right around the corner from our office a couple of days ago. Somebody walked into the bank, brandished a gun, and walked out with a bagful of money. Our office is in a sleepy little town, Naples, Florida, where it sometimes seems that the most serious crime is drinking your beer at the beach, which will get you busted, dude (See Naples city ordinance Sec. 78-106 (d)).
    However, what really caught my eye was this description of the robber from the story in the Naples Daily News:

"The robber is described as 50 to 60 years old, 5 feet, 8 inches tall
and about 200 pounds. He has light-colored hair and a salt-and-pepper
mustache and was wearing beige shorts, a Hawaiian-type shirt, shower
sandals and a baseball cap."

    Now, you might not know Naples, but this description, including clothing, fits roughly half the male population. Hell, this description fits me, if you overlook the light-colored hair and the mustache — both of which could be store-bought. I need to change the photo on this blog.
    Still, this is not the typical description of a bank robber in, say, Detroit. It got me to thinking of why he might have done it. And so, with a nod to David Letterman, I composed my Top Ten Reasons a middle aged man in a Hawaiian shirt and shower sandals would rob a bank in Naples, Florida. Drum roll, please…

10. Mercedes mechanic now getting $125 hour
9. Still ten more years until Social Security kicks in
8. Gassing up the boat for an hour of water skiing now requires $250
7. Wife has been watching "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" on ABC
6. Prices on Tommy Bahama clothing skyrocketing
5. Daughter has announced engagement, wants $75,000 wedding — with ice sculptures.
4. Estate Planning lawyer now charging $475 hour
3. Twenty-five-year-old girlfriend said the words "Manolo Blahnik"
2. Titleist Pro V-1’s cost $55 a dozen

And the number one reason a middle aged man in a Hawaiian shirt and shower sandals would rob a bank in Naples, Florida:

1. Medicare Part D doesn’t cover Viagra

<Flipping card to audience>

6 thoughts on “Because That’s Where The Money Is?

  1. I think the implication is that my joke might be racist, but statistics show that most violent crime is committed by single males between the ages of 15 and 25. And I used Detroit because it’s cold up north and because our Director of Client Relations, Tina Holmes, came here directly from Detroit, where she managed a branch of 5th/3rd Bank that was robbed five times. I’m guessing that none of the robbers was a 55 year old male in a Hawaiian shirt and sandals.

  2. #11. I was going to say, “needed $$$ to hire marketing pro.” But he just got that PR pro bono. Not so dumb, huh??!! You might call that SmartMarketing 😉

  3. yeah, i was born and raised in Detroit, and i dont think i experienced Hawaiian shirts until i moved to fort myers……or 60 year old men trying to rob a bank in style…..Come on, what ever happened to classic bank robberies like in the movie HEAT! Give me some Deniro and Pacino!!!!

  4. I think reason #1 is the most compelling, for a guy his age.
    You’re right about the geography. Naples is a truly beautiful, but sleepy, town, isolated, far from the big population centers of Florida. So, it does fit that casual attire –
    casual setting – casual commiting of a crime – casual, but perfect, get-away.

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