SmartTalk, episode 22

…in which Vic­tor and Mark dis­cuss the nature of agency and why secu­rity is a myth, Victor’s hunt for the per­fect house and the real estate agent from hell; the impor­tance of rep­u­ta­tion in the age of Yelp; play­ing the heavy; how it all comes down from the top; why you should hug your cus­tomer and why a cloth­ing busi­ness is not about the cloth­ing; why you should be a yes man (or woman); what Helen Keller knew about secu­rity (there isn’t any); the fable of the lion and the gazelle; why you should avoid dead shark syn­drome; and what Eric Schmidt of Google, said to Sheryl Sand­berg of Facebook.

 

People Express Their Outrage When The Spirit Moves Them

I fly. A lot. Not as much as George Clooney in “Up In The Air” — but, a lot. And over the years the expe­ri­ence has become worse and worse. As some­body (I can’t recall who) wrote: air travel used to be a lux­ury. Now it’s the Grey­hound Bus in the sky. I think that’s right, except that it’s unfair to Grey­hound, which does a pretty good job with bus ser­vice, or did the last time I had occa­sion to use it.

Cover of "Up in the Air [Blu-ray]"

Cover of Up in the Air Blu-ray

The prob­lem, accord­ing to indus­try ana­lysts, is that the Amer­i­can pub­lic, by its buy­ing habits, has told the air­lines, “The only basis on which we will pur­chase an air­line ticket is price.” We have no loy­alty to brands, we won’t pay more for bet­ter ser­vice or wider seats, we want to get between point A and point B as cheaply as pos­si­ble. This means that all air­lines com­pete on price. At the same time, they are extra­or­di­nar­ily impacted by fuel prices. The air­lines have responded in two ways: first by cut­ting costs (with the accom­pa­ny­ing cuts in qual­ity of ser­vice), and then by charg­ing fees for every­thing they can think of. Most noto­ri­ously, this means charg­ing for lug­gage, but every­thing is game: food, pil­lows, in-flight movies and inter­net ser­vice — any­thing that isn’t nailed down.

Spirit Air­lines is the lat­est com­pany to find a new way to squeeze you for an extra dime. They are now going to charge $40 for you to put your carry-on bag in an over­head bin. The only free thing you may take on the plane will have to fit under the 17-inch seat in front of you, which dis­qual­i­fies many of the women’s hand­bags I have seen. It dis­qual­i­fies pretty much any­thing that is big­ger than a briefcase.

Spirit may regret the deci­sion, much as it regret­ted recently refus­ing to refund the air­fare of a dying vet­eran. It was a non-refundable ticket, you see.

An arti­cle in Forbes took Spirit apart at the seams. OK, bad choice of words. An arti­cle in Forbes took Spirit to task. The expe­ri­ence of Spirit and that of United Air­lines (search for “United Breaks Gui­tars” on YouTube) illus­trates the power of social media and what hap­pens to com­pa­nies whose actions indi­cate that they do not care about their customers.

You Are What You Wear?

I have writ­ten fre­quently about the impor­tance of image in con­vey­ing value. For the most part, I meant con­vey­ing value to poten­tial clients or cus­tomers. But the same prin­ci­ples apply in con­vey­ing value to your staff, and per­haps most impor­tantly, to your­self.

My lab coat and scrubs -- Samir धर्म 11:07, 7 ...

My lab coat and scrubs — Samir धर्म 11:07, 7 June 2006 (UTC) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I know that when I worked exclu­sively from home, I didn’t do very well at it. I seem to be the kind of guy who has to get up in the morn­ing, shave, put on a shirt and tie and go to work. (My friend Vic­tor Med­ina told me a story about a neigh­bor of his who would get in his car in the morn­ing, drive around the block back to his house and then go into his home office.)

In the same vein, almost all of my firm’s work is accom­plished over the tele­phone or the Inter­net. We have vis­its from clients here in the office maybe twice a year. So, if you fol­low the prin­ci­ple of “spend your money where it touches the client” then I could rent some ware­house space out on Radio Road for a thou­sand dol­lars a month (instead of the pro­fes­sional office space I rent for $4,600 a month) and me and my entire staff could wear t-shirts and jeans to work, instead of the pro­fes­sional dress we do wear. (Except for the Inter­net guys, of course, but there’s noth­ing you can do about that. You open the door, throw in some Dori­tos, and hope noth­ing bites your arm before you can slam the door shut.)

I was inspired by the cus­tomer ser­vice card that all Ritz-Carlton employ­ees carry: We are ladies and gen­tle­men serv­ing ladies and gen­tle­men. I don’t require my employ­ees to carry cards, but I do try to con­vey the mes­sage that we are pro­fes­sion­als serv­ing pro­fes­sion­als. Our office space and our cloth­ing mean that all of us here con­sider our­selves pro­fes­sion­als on a par with the clients we serve.

In the 1960s a series of famous exper­i­ments was con­ducted by Stan­ley Mil­gram at MIT on the sub­ject of obe­di­ence. The exper­i­ments tested how far peo­ple would go in deliv­er­ing an elec­tric shock to some­one they didn’t know, sim­ply because they were told to do so. After a base­line was estab­lished, sub­tle vari­a­tions were intro­duced to the exper­i­ment in order to see how they affected the results. One of those vari­a­tions estab­lished that if the “pro­fes­sor” direct­ing the exper­i­ment wore a white lab coat and held a clip­board, the degree of obe­di­ence increased.

Now comes this arti­cle in the New York Times, indi­cat­ing that wear­ing that white lab coat and car­ry­ing a clip­board affects you (not just your clients or employ­ees), if you wear it.

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SmartTalk, ep. 21: It’s A Mad World

Mad Men

Mad Men (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

…in which Vic­tor and Mark dis­cuss why they are mad for Mad Men, why Vic­tor made Mark clap, how Mark bitched out the Ver­i­zon guy, why “sta­ble” is a step back­wards, whether or not dis­sat­is­fac­tion fuels ambi­tion, the dif­fer­ence between grat­i­tude and a “trans­ac­tion”, why God gave you two ears, why Mark doesn’t want to hear Vic­tor say the words “mater­nity leave”, why life is like a poker game, why the dog food isn’t sell­ing, the intel­lec­tual impli­ca­tions of a park­ing meter, why hir­ing is the key to suc­cess, Roger Sterling’s hir­ing advice (and why Mark dis­agrees), the story of Henry Ford and the engi­neers, why you might want to hire peo­ple who hate mar­ket­ing and sell­ing, whether adver­tis­ing is as impor­tant and life & death, how the times they are a-changin’ and how, if you’re not care­ful, you might end up sign­ing The Tradewinds, instead of the Rolling Stones.

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SmartTalk, episode 20

…in which Vic­tor and Mark dis­cuss the five lan­guages of work­place appre­ci­a­tion, why tak­ing out the garbage might not con­vince your wife that you love her, Woody Allen’s for­mula for suc­cess (and Mark’s for­mula for child-rearing and graphic design), a new def­i­n­i­tion of “team effort”, why Pin­ter­est is the key to Victor’s mar­ket­ing suc­cess (it’s not), the magic pill that will get you to the num­ber one posi­tion in search engine rank­ings (it won’t), and why the audi­ence should send checks to Vic­tor and Mark.

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Campaign Announcement

It is with deep regret that I announce my with­drawal from the cam­paign for the 2012 Repub­li­can nom­i­na­tion for the office of Pres­i­dent of the United States.

I know that with the intense press cov­er­age and inves­tiga­tive jour­nal­ists delv­ing into every aspect of my back­ground, even­tu­ally it’s going to come out — so I might as well get out in front of this story and fall on my own sword. No more stalling or hiding.

You see, I speak French

Yes, yes, I know. By admit­ting this pub­licly, I under­stand that many old friends will no longer par­lez avec moi, if you know what I mean (and I’m sure many of you clos­eted types do). I know that I could prob­a­bly pass as some­one who only speaks Eng­lish, but I prob­a­bly also speak that lan­guage too well to be Pres­i­dent. I might be able to get away with it for awhile, pre­tend­ing that I never heard of Jacques Brel (who was actu­ally Bel­gian, mais on n’encule pas les mouches, n’est-ce pas?), act­ing as if I never drank Per­rier or ate quiche, maybe buy a bowl­ing shirt with “Mark” (not Marc!) stitched above the pocket.

Th_Pepe_Le_PewOh yes, I could laugh at Pepé Le Pew (“What is this? Oh, but of course. This lit­tle one wish to com­mit sui­cide to prove her love for me. What a sweet ges­ture. Nev­er­the­less, I must pre­vent it.”)  I could hide my beret, my Edith Piaf records, my accor­dian, and stop eat­ing snails. I could pre­tend to con­fuse Truf­faut with truf­fles. I could fait sem­blant to dis­ap­prove of adul­tery. I could stop drink­ing kir royales. But I wouldn’t be fool­ing anyone.

Even­tu­ally, I would be found out. Newt would point to my son’s name (Maxime Charles Auguste) or that I wear a Cartier watch or that I have opin­ions about wine, have read Sten­dahl en fran­cais, and watched Le Qua­tre Cent Coups sans sous-titrage.

French speak­ers are allowed to serve in the mil­i­tary. They’re even allowed to marry. (I should know.) But we have not yet evolved to the point where a French speaker can become Pres­i­dent. Thus, sadly, I must with­draw. But our cause, mes enfants, lives on.

 

Everything and Nothing

There is a new movie that pur­ports to be about William Shake­speare. Its title is “Anony­mous” and its premise is that the immor­tal plays of the Bard were not writ­ten by William Shake­speare, an actor and the son of a War­wick­shire glove-maker, but rather by Edward de Vere, the 17th Earl of Oxford. (This “con­tro­versy” is known in schol­arly cir­cles as the author­ship ques­tion, and you can read about here.)

ImagesThe most impor­tant thing you need to know is that there is not one shred of evi­dence that the Earl of Oxford wrote the works attrib­uted to William Shake­speare, and there is a boat­load of evi­dence that the plays were writ­ten by the actor from Stratford-Upon-Avon.

(It resem­bles the JFK mur­der con­spir­acy the­o­ries in that there is a moun­tain of evi­dence that Lee Har­vey Oswald com­mit­ted the mur­der, and no evi­dence that any­one else was involved — and yet the “con­tro­versy” lives on.) There are, of course, peo­ple who deny the Holo­caust ever took place, or that evo­lu­tion occurred, or that Barack Obama was born in Hawaii, or that exis­tence exists.

I sup­pose that the movie was intended to be one of those “mys­ter­ies of the past” like The DaVinci Code or National Trea­sure. It’s almost as ludicrous.

The whole thing makes me quiver with indig­na­tion and here’s why: The real story, the story of the great­est genius the world has ever known, is a riv­et­ing one — a much bet­ter and more mov­ing story than any imag­ined conspiracy.

 I am hardly the only one who is indig­nant. Read Ron Rosenbaum’s piece in Slate, “10 Rea­sons Why I Hate Anonymous.”

I went and saw the movie because it is (at least mar­gin­ally) about one of my favorite sub­jects and also to see how the film­mak­ers went about re-creating the Lon­don the­atri­cal world of the 1590s. I did my best to enjoy it. It is telling that the bits I liked best were actual Shake­speare: like the on-stage per­for­mance of Henry V, in which the audi­ence is so stirred by Henry’s St. Crispin’s Day speech that they rush the stage, look­ing for French­men to kill.

 I am what is called a Bar­dola­tor. I wor­ship at the shrine of William Shake­speare. The framed pic­ture over my desk is a poster-size repro­duc­tion of the First Folio of Shakespeare’s plays. I think I have read every word he ever wrote, and I own 40–50 books about Shake­speare. (If you’d like to know all the most impor­tant stuff, you can read Bill Bryson’s short — 196 pages — book, Shake­speare: The World As Stage.)

I own sev­eral edi­tions of the com­plete works of Shake­speare. My favorites are the Pel­i­can Shake­speare, and The Nor­ton Fac­sim­ile of the First Folio, both gifts of love.

I owe a life-long debt (for many things) to my col­lege Shake­speare pro­fes­sor, Bar­bara Hernnstein Smith (cur­rently Dis­tin­guished Pro­fes­sor of Eng­lish at Brown Uni­ver­sity). I will never for­get the first day of her Shake­speare class, in which she announced that since it was her class, she got to do all the read­ings, play all the parts, and lead all dis­cus­sions. How I envy her in ret­ro­spect. If only I had a cap­tive audi­ence to which I could read Shake­speare sev­eral times each week! She took my ado­les­cent affec­tion for Shake­speare (per­haps largely based on the Franco Zef­fer­elli movie of Romeo and Juliet) and trans­formed it (and me) into some­thing deeper, richer, more sub­tle and more complex.

I remem­ber talk­ing with her about my reac­tion after read­ing King Lear (described by her as “the great­est work of lit­er­a­ture by any­one, ever”). I found it dif­fi­cult to visit the shat­ter­ing spir­i­tual abyss rep­re­sented by the events and lan­guage of King Lear, and then stag­ger out of my col­lege dorm room into the sun­shine and trivia of every­day life.

“That’s the way it is,” she told me. “We watch King Lear, and then we go out into the lobby and eat peanuts.”

For many, the ques­tion of who was the “real” Shake­speare is not very impor­tant. It is only impor­tant that some­one wrote these mag­nif­i­cent works.

My own Shake­speare is the one imag­ined by Jorge Luis Borges in his para­ble, “Every­thing and Noth­ing” [From Jorge Luis Borges Labyrinths (Pen­guin, 2000) Trans. J. E. Irby]:

There was no one in him; behind his face (which even through the bad paint­ings of those times resem­bles no other) and his words, which were copi­ous, fan­tas­tic and stormy, there was only a bit of cold­ness, a dream dreamt by no one. At first he thought that all peo­ple were like him, but the aston­ish­ment of a friend to whom he had begun to speak of this empti­ness showed him his error and made him feel always that an indi­vid­ual should not dif­fer in out­ward appear­ance. Once he thought that in books he would find a cure for his ill and thus he learned the small Latin and less Greek a con­tem­po­rary would speak of; later he con­sid­ered that what he sought might well be found in an ele­men­tal rite of human­ity, and let him­self be ini­ti­ated by Anne Hath­away one long June after­noon. At the age of twenty-odd years he went to Lon­don. Instinc­tively he had already become Images-1pro­fi­cient in the habit of sim­u­lat­ing that he was some­one, so that oth­ers would not dis­cover his con­di­tion as no one; in Lon­don he found the pro­fes­sion to which he was pre­des­tined, that of the actor, who on a stage plays at being another before a gath­er­ing of peo­ple who play at tak­ing him for that other per­son. His histri­onic tasks brought him a sin­gu­lar sat­is­fac­tion, per­haps the first he had ever known; but once the last verse had been acclaimed and the last dead man with­drawn from the stage, the hated flavour of unre­al­ity returned to him. He ceased to be Fer­rex or Tam­ber­lane and became no one again. Thus hounded, he took to imag­in­ing other heroes and other tragic fables. And so, while his flesh ful­filled its des­tiny as flesh in the tav­erns and broth­els of Lon­don, the soul that inhab­ited him was Cae­sar, who dis­re­gards the augur’s admo­ni­tion, and Juliet, who abhors the lark, and Mac­beth, who con­verses on the plain with the witches who are also Fates. No one has ever been so many men as this man who like the Egypt­ian Pro­teus could exhaust all the guises of real­ity. At times he would leave a con­fes­sion hid­den away in some cor­ner of his work, cer­tain that it would not be deci­phered; Richard affirms that in his per­son he plays the part of many and Iago claims with curi­ous words ‘I am not what I am’. The fun­da­men­tal iden­tity of exist­ing, dream­ing and act­ing inspired famous pas­sages of his.

 For twenty years he per­sisted in that con­trolled hal­lu­ci­na­tion, but one morn­ing he was sud­denly gripped by the tedium and the ter­ror of being so many kings who die by the sword and so many suf­fer­ing lovers who con­verge, diverge and melo­di­ously expire. That very day he arranged to sell his the­atre. Within a week he had returned to his native vil­lage, where he recov­ered the trees and rivers of his child­hood and did not relate them to the oth­ers his muse had cel­e­brated, illus­tri­ous with mytho­log­i­cal allu­sions and Latin terms. He had to be ‘some­one: he was a retired impre­sario who had made his for­tune and con­cerned him­self with loans, law­suits and petty usury. It was in this char­ac­ter that he dic­tated the arid will and tes­ta­ment known to us, from which he delib­er­ately excluded all traces of pathos or lit­er­a­ture. His friends from Lon­don would visit his retreat and for them he would take up again his role as poet.

His­tory adds that before or after dying he found him­self in the pres­ence of God and told Him: ‘I who have been so many men in vain want to be one and myself.’ The voice of the Lord answered from a whirl­wind: ‘Nei­ther am I any­one; I have dreamt the world as you dreamt your work, my Shake­speare, and among the forms in my dream are you, who like myself are many and no one.’